TAMAR - Episode 19

When I walked up to him, he was just staring at me angrily but I remain calm despite the tumbling in my stomach, I bent my head and greeted him warmly

“My kind greetings to you my lord…”

“Your lord?…you make me laugh. so you are back to calling me your lord after I asked you not to, are you done doing hide and seek. you were avoiding me as if I’m struck with a plague, like I have a disease. are you tired of running, you left the house then without even a good bye, and had find away to keep far from me, is it because I made my feelings known to you… was that a crime? No, tell me is it a crime before your so called god, because I don’t understand…talk to me, I have tried everything possible to stop thinking about you, to keep you away from my mind, I have tried and yet it didn’t work, I feel so stupid when I do this, because you do not understand, you don’t understand Tamar, I’m going crazy thinking of you everyday….is being months since you left and I still can’t get you off my mind, no matter what I do. I’m going crazy but I hope to get out of this whole thing soon..”

He gasped and continued

 “…So where did my sister went to? I thought you are suppose to be beside her always and not going to a man’s house, only the gods knows where you went to. where’s Zity’s husband, why do the house look so deserted, where are you coming from Tamar? a tall beautiful maiden here, she said her name is Shamara, she told me that no one is home and when I asked of you she said you have probably gone to meet your man, your secret lover. well I don’t know what to make out of that…you having a lover now, is no more Abel? I know is not true…so where are you coming from…?

I started feeling bad as he mentioned Shamara and the way he described her appearance, I felt this hurt feeling to my chest. I swallowed hard again and kept quiet.

He suddenly dragged me with force into the house where no one will see us and locked the door behind.

 My other hand was held to where the money is, he started boiling in anger as he pushed me inside, and faced me again.

“..so is true, you went to see your man friend? who is the person, tell me who is the man you are seeing that is better than me, who Tamar? you chose another over me and threw my love back to my face, what I’m I suppose to do now…with this heavy feeling in my heart, what do you want me to do now, because I have tried to make it stop but I can’t…you chose another over me, if it was Abel I wouldn’t have being so worried but is not even Abel it must be some stupid man out there, you prefer him to me. Did he lay with you, did you two got entangled, I swear by the gods I will break the man’s jaw if he lays a finger on you, did you lay with him? do you love him, ooh! you love him and that’s why you have being avoiding me, making me look stupid before my own eyes, what am I suppose to do now, with all this crazy feeling in my heart for you? you don’t love me, you hate me, you hate me for what I did to you years ago at the fountain, or because I revealed my feeling and kissed you back in my chamber, I just want to know what could make you not to want me like I want you, you are driving me crazy can’t you see that, do you love me? who is the man you are seeing.…answer me..”

He swore under his breath again, my mouth was dried of spit as I kept swallowing hard, my hand was sweating.

He combed his hand into his hair and came close to me, he shakes me violently and I began to scream and the money that I was trying to hide fell off, he suddenly left me as he saw the leather bag fell from under my dress, he picked it up and opened it, hegaps as he saw the money inside.

 he swore under his breath before looking at me, I saw only fire of jealousy and anger all over him..

“Where did you get all this money from?your man lover gave you all this, hmmm…why are you not saying anything, has the gods tired up your tongue. was it because of the money you are with him, so you went to him because of money?why didn’t you come to me, I would have given you much more than what he gave you, I would have, if you have asked me Tamar. what is my offense, why don’t you want me? I want you so much, answer me, why are you so silent, oh the gods! your silent is killing me Tamar, how did you get the money, who is your lover, who gave you all this money?

“Is Adolfo, he gave it to me…” I replied

“whaaat! Adolfo…why? oh the gods…Adolfo. why did he gave you so much money, I don’t want to think about it…hope is not what I’m thinking? is Adolfo…your..i mean that’s not possible, I’m going crazy, I suspected you two when Zity was still his wife, the way you are always around him and he always acts like you are everything to him, I confronted you and you said you have nothing with him so you have being having affair with him even when he was married to my sister, so he is the lover all this while? I knew it, I know his closeness with you is not ordinary, he has being laying with you even back when he was still married to Zity. why..i,  I’m really going crazy right now…Adolfo is your lover?

“He is not, I don’t have a lover, I only visited them today, just to check up, and Adolfo willingly gave me all this money, out of his own kind heart. We got nothing together. I’m saying the truth, I can’t lie to you, my lord…”

“Stop calling me Lord, call me Vim, say it now…call me Vim. see the way you call him Adolfo, making him sound special. call me same way, call me by my name. I believe you when you say that you got nothing with him, but at same time I wonder why you will be avoiding me…I want you Tamar, I love you…I love you so much that it makes my heart bleed, I love you with all my heart and with my whole being. please marry me…I want you to be mine…”

My heart melt at his site, he looked beaten, as he pleads.

 i have never seen a man so powerful and yet so weak to his own emotions.

 my heart was almost pumping out to my chest as I watch him, I don’t know if I should cry or scream to make him understand why it can’t work between us, but at that moment all I can think of is the handsome man standing before me, pleading seriously for me to be his, he came closer to me and my legs began to shake and I couldn’t even move again, he came so close that I can smell his sweaty body scent, he smells of sweat.

he gently draw me to himself and held me in his arm for sometime, I was feeling his heart beat as it mixed with mine, the both heart beats like a drum to my ears, I didn’t want to leave his arm as he held me so close to himself.

He gently bent over and kissed me, I didn’t resist as he kissed me again and I allowed him kissed me so deeply, we lock lips and drank deeply of each other, emotion was running wild, I couldn’t get him to stop and yet I don’t want him to stop, he lifted me to the long cushion by the corner and the kissing continued as he lay me gently. He kissed my neck and down to my chest.

 he ripped my dress off my shoulder and I screamed in shock as I realized what was about to happen, I held my cloth together as reality hits me, he sat up shaking and swore again under his breath, he stood and moved closer and I moved backward…

“Uhm Tamar, i..nothing happened, don’t be scared, I wanted you as you wanted me but you pull off and.. I’m sorry, I’m sorry Tamar. I couldn’t keep my emotion in check, I’m sorry for ripping your dress, I will get you another. you love me don’t you…you do love me, yet you won’t admit it. please marry me, just say yes, you can worship any god of your choice and I swear I will never stop you. I will always protect you, I worship whatever I chose to worship, money, Jupiter or any god I so desire, and you will worship the god of the Christians like you have always wanted. just say yes and I will speak to Zity and she will free you, we will start our wedding ceremony and become husband and wife, we will have children, lovely children, who you will bring up, I will love you with all my heart, it will be a loving family, just say yes. marry me Tamar… please do not cry, don’t do this to me. I want you to be mine and mine alone. marry me I beg you in the name of your god whom you serve…”

“Vim, I can’t. I…we almost went down in sin, allowing the flesh to take over us. yes, i…I don’t know what I feel for you or the feeling you brings to my heart, you confuse me…you are becoming my weakness…”

“Then marry me so that I won’t become your weakness anymore, so that when we finally lay together, it won’t seem like a sin any more but as husband and wife. I know you are a virgin but I do not care about that, even if you have slept with all the men of this kingdom it won’t make any difference to me all I want is you, I want to make you my own. I want you to take me as yours, please I beg you in the name of your god to marry me. I can speak to mother and father, I will speak to Zity, she will free you, we will become united as husband and wife, don’t you want that? don’t you want me,I can’t hold back this feeling any more. Marry me Tamar…I beg of you…”

I gently picked up the money Adolfo gave me from the floor and quietly went to the door that was locked, he try to come close to me but suddenly stopped when I looked at him fiercely, he stood still, looking at me.

 As I unlocked the door and walked out, I held my torn dress together from falling off my shoulder, I stood outside, try to replay what just happened in my mind, I move close to the flower cot and sat down on the floor instead of the chair, I sat there, trying to clear my head.

 I almost allowed myself to fall into sin, I thought of a word in psalm, that said “How can I know the sins lurking in my heart oh Lord, please forgive me from my hidden fault..

“..Please Lord thoroughly wash me from my iniquities, and cleanse me from my sin, for my sins are always before you, you alone have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, behold in iniquity I was brought forth and in sin did my mother conceived me, you will be prove right in what you say and your judgement towards me is fair, for you delight in truth, in my inward being you will teach me wisdom even in my inner heart. Help me overcome my weakness, I can not do this alone Lord, give me the strength like you gave to Abel. Vim has become my weakness Lord, it seem right in the eyes of the world to marry him and still serve you, but I know ones I’m married to him he may draw me away from you, I maybe too weak to draw him to you and because he is stronger than I, he will eventually win, in as much as I want him, yes, I do lord, I love Vim but I don’t want to be blown out of the flesh, I don’t want to go off your will. Abel said there’s a lot more ahead of me than I can see, could it be this or is there still more to come, design my thought, help me to stand firm in you…help me Lord…please…help me…”

I cried out to God right there at the flower cot.

And when Zity came back I went in and change over, after sometime Vim left after speaking with his sister for sometime.

 I don’t know what they talked about but Zity was looking at me and smiling cheerfully when I came to attend to her, she asked me if I have being crying and I told her I was fine.

 she told me that I shouldn’t worry, very soon everything will be alright because her brother seem to be interested in me, I didn’t say a word as I went about my duty.

The following day Zity went out again to another of her outings.

 I went to the flower cot, Chakan was inside his chamber.

I did not see Shamara, she probably went to see Chakan in his chamber but I was at the flower cot, meditating on psalms.

After sometime, Zity came back but not with her chariot, I was surprise because that was unlike her, she looks weak, and when I asked her if she was alright she said she is having headache so I gently took her to her chamber.

Zity said she wanted to go to the husband’s chamber, I should just make a hot a soup for her to take.

When she got to the husband’s chamber she didn’t bother knocking, as she forcefully opened the husband’s chamber and right there was Shamara with Zity’s husband on his bed.

Chakan did not know that Zity was home, everybody knows that she always return in the evening but today she was back way too early than usual and did not drive in with her chariot which always make a loud noise showing she is back, she just came in and went straight to Chakan’s chamber and there he was entangled with Shamara.

I did not even notice when Shamara went to Chakan’s chamber, I would have try to stop her, but it was too late as Zity stood there in shock, Shamara quickly stood up and picked up her dress and ran off.

 she was shaking all over, she was afraid.

Zity’s leg began to shake as she suddenly fainted in my arm, Chakan rushed to his wife, and lifted her to his arm, he carried her to her chamber and lay her as I quickly brought cold water and sprayed her.

I soaked a towel inside cold water which I placed on her head, she woke up.

Chakan drove off with his chariot to get a physician for her.

I wonder if Zity will ever recover from the shock of seeing her husband with another woman.

What will happen now? I warned Shamara but she never listened, and Chakan, how will he make amend to his wife,.

I thought of Vim again, what is he going to say about all this?

 what I’m I suppose to say to him if he comes back again after Zity and his parents has agreed and gave him a go ahead for him to marry me, what will I do or say, what will Abel say about all the things happening?

Everything was happening so fast yet my confidence is strongly built in God, I know Abel is not here to tell me what to do, I rely on God to direct me and I know what he will want me to do and that is what I will do.