TAMAR - Episode 12
I had serious headache the following morning, so, I didn’t get up on time.
As I slept into mid afternoon, Eura stood in for me. Zity asked of me from her and she told her that I wasn’t feeling well, Zity didn’t say anything at the moment until Eura was leaving her chamber, Zity told Eura to tell me to take my time and rest well.
After five days, I felt a bit better to continue my work. Then, I reported to Zity that morning.
“My lady, how are you this morning? My apologies for not being able to attend to you this past few days, I was down and I guessed I needed to rest for some days for me to be able to carry out my duties perfectly again. I’m now alright to attend to you. How have you been?”
“I thought you were angry with me for not wanting the baby and eventually asking you to dispose him; I thought you were angry… and that you were avoiding me…” Zity replied.
“I couldn’t have avoided you my lady”, I said to her. “..i’ve been called to serve and I will always be at your service. It doesn’t really matter if I’m angry or not, my feelings don’t count because I’m only a slave and I’m here to help you…”
Zity smiled and said,
“You know, I never wanted the baby, and I could have aborted him even before people found out but Okra delayed it and I had to give birth to him. The pain of carrying and giving birth to him was just too much, Tamar. He had already disfigured and disorganised my life even before he was born. I’ve gone through enough troubles already in bringing him forth, and it wasn’t Okra that convinced me, so, don’t hate her. She only wanted the best for me. I didn’t want the baby too, I didn’t, but after Okra told me what she did to her own babies, the twins she mistakenly bore, and how she disposed them off, I was encouraged to do same to mine. Nobody’s opinion mattered, it was my body, so I chose to do whatever I wanted with it. My parents made a decision for me to marry Adolfo, which would be the last time I would ever listen to them, because I’m not happy in this so called marriage. No matter how I try to pretend, I can’t love Adolfo… I can’t Tamar, neither do I want to have any child for him.”
She heaved a sigh and continued,
“…Well, it’s unfortunate I carried the baby and gave birth to him but I couldn’t just look at his face. Okra said it was better not to look at the baby’s face so that I wouldn’t remember what he looked like or feel pity, or even allow the memory to torment me. I needed to do what I did… My happiness is my priority Tamar. I don’t want it to seem like I’m not doing my wifely duties to Adolfo. Please, keep going to keep him busy so that he won’t even think of me, or come to disturb me in my chamber. I don’t want him… I still want Chakan and it’s so painful whenever I think of him being with another woman, or with Zain… She has being avoiding me which probably means she has been seeing Chakan! I hate Zain, she’s such a bad friend. I hate Chakan for turning his back on me when I needed him most, and I hate Adolfo for keeping me here! I don’t want to be his wife, I have never wanted to, and I feel even worse now, because…” She paused and continued, “..i know he’s a good man and he deserves someone that will love him but not me, because I can’t love him, Tamar, I can’t…”
I was silently praying for wisdom concerning what to say. I said calmly to her
“My lady, you didn’t even ask where the baby was buried, or, is that how much you hate him or hate Adolfo?”
“I don’t want to know Tamar, I don’t care to know where he’s buried, and I’ll never ask! It’s better that way. Stop reminding me of what I’m trying to forget; stop telling me about the baby; I don’t want to hear of it any more, do you understand?”
“Yes, my lady”, I replied, bowing my head.
“…i learnt that your father was ill, that was why your mother couldn’t come to see you. Would you like to go over to see him?”
“I’m supposed to be mourning my baby as it stands. If I go there now looking all cheerful and radiant, they’ll have reasons to ask questions concerning how the baby died and I don’t want anybody to remind me of that, it’s in my past now. I’m so glad that mother didn’t come. Even if she had come, I wouldn’t have even allowed her to know my plans, or even be there during delivery and she would have no choice than to accept my decision. I can’t go home now, I’ll pray to the gods from here to heal father. I’m supposed to act like I’m mourning my late child, I can’t be seen moving around. That reminds me, Vim came to see me three days ago; he also asked after you and I told him that you were on bed rest because the death of the baby had taken a toll on everyone..”
Changing the subject, Zity asked out of the blues, “..Do you want to go home? I don’t like the way you act around me now, making me feel guilty with your presence, and reminding me of my deeds, which I don’t have regret for… My only regret is conceiving him and not aborting him at the early stage of my pregnancy. If you want to go home to mother and father, it’s fine by me… Please go. I know you miss Abel, strange Abel. If I grant you freedom someday, will you marry him? I ask because I know you’re fond of him; you’re always seen around him, and adore him as if he’s a god. You love him right, and you want to marry him? Tell me…”
I was uncomfortable with the sudden change of discussion, she’s making it about me when it should be all about her.
I answered shyly,
“Abel is a good man with a good heart, but he’s not ready for marriage…”
“You’re trying to evade the question, do you love Abel?. We all know that he’s a strange person and has never looked at any woman for pleasure. Even after father freed him, asking him to go and start his own family, he refused. Everyone thinks he’s a Christian who practices celibacy, but father always defends him. I don’t have any issue with what religion anyone practices, but Okra doesn’t like Christians. She says Christians act like they know it all, and she hates that religion. She thinks you’re a Christian or that you practice Judaism because she has not seen you bow to any god before, or act like the maiden of the land, just like Obia and the Tivi girls. She said she has seen you in the garden, bowing your head and praying, and that you pray strangely. She’s not sure of the god you pray to but she thinks you’re a Christian. I assured her that you’re not. I’ve been with you for over five years now and I’ve never seen you pray or call on your God, even if it’s subconsciously. I may not really know the god you worship but I’ve assured Okra that you’re not a Christian. Okra has big friends in high places who also hate Christians with passion and they’re ready to send anyone they catch to the circuit animal. So, you have to be careful with your ways of worship so you won’t be wrongfully judged…”
She paused and continued
“..I ask again, Will you like to go home? I need you to, so that you will keep mother away from coming here. It will also afford you the opportunity to see Abel. I’ll miss you but it’s best thing for you to do now. I’ll send for you when I need you. Before you go, I need you to take something to Okra in her house. It’s a gold jewel and a bracelet. She saw it in my closet and wanted it, so I’ve decided to give it to her after she helped me. Take it to her because she said she will be traveling today and may not stop by…”
I picked up the pouch that contained the gift for Okra and left for her place. When I got there, I was told she had already embarked on her journey but her husband, the merchant was inside. I wanted to see the merchant again, so I was ushered into where he sat in his upper house, looking at nothing in particular.
“My kind greetings to you my lord…”I greeted with a bow.
“How may I be of help to you young lady?I was told you wanted to see me…”
“i was sent to your wife, but since she’s not around, I decided to say my greetings to you before leaving. Do you remember me?”
“I was told you’re from Adolfo’s wife, lady Zity, who seemed to my wife’s acquaintance. You’re Lady Zity’s personal maid…or is there any other thing you want me to know?” He asked
“You are absolutely correct, my Lord. I’m also the slave girl you bought about six years ago for forty shillings and sold for fifteen shillings because your wife didn’t want me. My head was bare, my hair was all shaved off and was wrapped with a turban and I told you then that I was a Christi..an and you warned me never to say that to anyone because it was forbidden in the land…”
“Oh! the gods be praised! I remember everything! you’ve grown so big with so much changes. You look different, I know is been years, and I’m glad you were under a good household. Lord Reese, the second prime ruler of the kingdom is a good man, and being his daughter’s personal maid is a good credit. is because they found you worthy. I’m please to meet you again… Please, sit with me, my wife is on one of her unknown journeys and won’t be back soon, I try not to worry of her in and out anymore, you came at the right time, I was having a personal battle. What is your name again…”
“Tamar, my lord, I’m glad to see you again. Back then, you told me that you were praying for a child. Hope your prayers have been granted now?” I asked, wanting to hear him speak and knowing well that his wife has decided never to have children because of her selfish reasons
“Not at all… The gods seem silent to my cry. I guess Okra, my wife is also tired of the whole thing. That’s why she’s misbehaving. She doesn’t even allow me to touch her anymore because she thinks it’s a waste of time. She wanted to end the marriage but I pleaded with her not to leave me… I love my wife so much and I don’t want her to go, but she is insisting on leaving and I’ve not stopped pleading. Nobody knows the ways of the gods, Tamar. I wasn’t asking for too much, just one child was okay for me, I even suggested to my wife for us to go and take up one of the homeless children and call him or her ours, but she warned me never to mention such again to her and I’ve never done that. How can you love somebody and still hate the person at the same time? That’s the way I feel for Okra, I’ve decided to accept my fate. If she wants to leave, let her go ahead… I’ll learn to be fine. She gives me too much trouble, she even had the boldness to tell me she was seeing another man of which I doubted and threatened to deal with any man I see close to her, but with her recent behavior, especially her constant travels which she doesn’t hide anymore, I’ve learnt to live one day at a time. Okra is difficult to deal with and it’s sad to say that she may be a bad influence on Adolfo’s young wife. She may brainwash her and make her do her bidding; that’s how influencing Okra can be…”
He paused before he continued
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“..so tell me Tamar, what god do you worship now? I know you can’t still be a Christian…”
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“Well, I am… There’s no other god like my God; I’m exactly where God wants me to be, my lord. With all due respect, nothing and no one can change that. You wanted me to worship Lucrus, the god of fertility when I told you about my faith, you shunned me and asked me never to mention it again because it’s forbidden. I even accepted whatever god you wanted me to worship so that I could have a roof over my head and food to eat, but God had a better plan, by making your wife to reject me. When you sold me to Abel on that fateful day, my faith was rekindled, and I’m stronger than I used to be; nothing can change that. You’ve tried different gods, and yet you still feel empty, is because these gods can’t offer you anything, they can only take from you but can’t give you the peace you seek. With so many gods and goddesses in this land, people in it are still so helpless. There’s peace and liberty with my God, He gives it in abundantly to His children and those whose heart are pure… Have you ever wondered why this kingdom hates Christianity? It’s because they’re afraid of their God, no one can contend with Him, because He alone is the Almighty, and these people think that by destroying God’s people they will become stronger, or at most make mockery of God. They’ve tried to wipe us out but we’re like seeds… We keep on multiplying…”
“What a boldness!” The merchant exclaimed. “..Hmmm, you seem not to be afraid of anything. I knew there was something special about you that day for me to have spent forty shillings to purchase just one slave. It was crazy, yet I didn’t feel bad about it, neither did I tell anybody, not even my wife. I won’t want you to die in the hands of these people who hate your kind. You have to be extremely careful… My wife, Okra, doesn’t like Christians; she hates them with passion. you act like an elder… I will not talk you out of your belief and my wife will never know of this our deep discussion but still be careful, Tamar. I don’t know the plan your god has for you because, he has led me to buy you that day from the slave market and has already led me to meet the boy I sold you to, which was a great loss to me as a merchant who liked making gain but I never counted my losses, rather I was glad you were safe. I silently prayed to the gods to protect you, I’ve not really paid much attention to a slave but you caught my attention, Tamar. So, just be careful in all your dealings so that these people will not cut your life short. I’m glad you’re well and may your God continue to protect you…”
“Amen”, I responded solemnly. “Lord Lami, very soon and I mean soon, you’ll smile again, don’t fright. everything will be alright. I’ll always pray for you, the enemy can’t do anything to hurt you. I will be careful as I have always been…Thank you for your time and finding me worthy to discuss your secret trouble, let me be on my way now…”
He nodded his consent as I left.
I walked out and reported back to Zity that the merchant’s wife has already gone on her journey.
Before I left for Lord Reese’s estate, I checked on Adolfo who had returned to his study.
“I’m glad you are better now, my lord, I was worried about you…” I said.
“I’m glad to see and hear that someone really cares about me, thank you. Tamar, I’ll be fine. I’ve not seen Zity since after delivery, and I know she doesn’t want to see me. I’ve come in terms with that fact, I’m not going to ever force her… Love is supposed to come naturally, but, what I still don’t understand is why my late wife gave me that message in my dream, that she would lead me to the way. Zity has not led me to anything, except sadness and intense loneliness. I’ve given her chance, hoping she would come around but I’m ready to let her go. I want her to be happy, she can’t live the rest of her young life feeling sad and hating me. She’s beautiful and ,many young men of her age will die to have her.
I’m ready to call off this marriage… Tamar, what do you think?”
“Do whatever you feel is right my Lord… I’m glad you’ve chosen to let Zity go. It will be better that way, you two can’t keep being sad; it’s not right. This is not how marriage supposed to be. Zity may not be the actual person that will lead you to the way that your late wife spoke about, but the person may come through her, and Zity has played her role in that aspect. Now, let the seed germinate and grow…”
“You’re young and wise, Tamar; you’re more of a great companion to me than Zity has ever been, and I’ll miss you when I finally let Zity go, I will miss you greatly…”
“I will miss you too my lord, I will be going back to Lord Reese’s estate soon. He’s ill, and Lady Phin needs help, so I want to go and help out in any way I can. I will assign Eura to you. Anytime you need someone to talk to, please kindly call Eura, she’ll be a great companion to you, just as I’ve been. I’ve trained her in the right way, she’ll gladden your heart with many philosophies. Someday, you’ll smile again and all your worries will be forgotten.”
Adolfo took my hands and squeezed it gently with a smile.
“I don’t know the god you serve, I don’t serve any, I only have time for my studies, and pray to the general gods like a normal person does, but you make me want to know who you are and what god you serve…I’m grateful for the time you spent with me, and may your God bless you greatly. Tamar, and may Lord Reese get well soon..”
He heaved a long sigh as he tries to smile.
“..Eura…” He said aloud.
And continued
“… I have seen you with her together in the garden and I will be glad to have somebody like you close to me, you’re a wise child, your kindness will pave the way for you, Tamar. If you ever need anything, tell me, and it will be yours…”
I smiled and thanked him.
I thought of the baby and Rhonda.
I will find away to get money across Rhonda, maybe from Abel.
As I was about to leave, Adolfo gave me money to buy something for myself, and I thanked him Al over again.
When I took it to my room and counted it, it was one hundred and fifty shillings.
It was huge amount for someone like me to use and buy things, I felt really relieved, because I would first of all take a trip to Rhonda’s place before going home to Lord Reese Estate.
I talked to Eura that night and told her not to be afraid to tell Adolfo about Christ, but first of all let her behavior and character pave way for her.
People needed to see the kind of person she was first, and the kind of life she lives for them to be convinced enough to follow her. She listened with rapt attention.
Eura promised to hearkened to my voice and walk on the part I have already shown her.
I hugged her the following morning before going to Zity to bid her farewell.
I thanked Lami, Adolfo’s boy for all his kindness, and I promised to return once everything was settled.
I left to see Rhonda first, to check how the baby was doing.
journeyed to Rhonda’s place, through all the roads the midwife and I passed that night, until I got there. She was happy to see me, just the way I was to see her. Zity’s son was feeding in her arms, and the twins were helping her to sell her wares so that they could have food to eat.
I bought somethings with the money Adolfo gave me and I gave her enough money for the baby’s upkeep.
She must not depend on the midwife or her little trade to feed herself, the twin girls and Zity’s son.
I brought out all the things I bought for them and she was so happy. I got to know that her husband was a Christian before he died.
I was glad that God led us to Rhonda that night, she would bring up the children in her care up in the ways of the Lord, not the ways of the pagan gods of the land.
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