MATED TO THE ALPHA AND HIS BETA - Season 5 Episode 67

Stella

I knew my Abba was feeling out of place here. The huge house. The staff. I’d never spoken at length with him about how he grew up, which was very different from how Dad did. I just felt a strong sense of being out of place coming from him.

I understood exactly how he felt.

For a few minutes we just sat quietly in the bright morning sunshine. He sipped his coffee and broke the blueberry muffin into pieces. I ate a bite of mine and let the flavors explode on my tongue. I was trying hard to appreciate everything for what it is. Simple pleasures.

“We can’t run away, Stella,” Abba said finally.

“I know.” I licked some crumbs off my fingers and then wiped them clean with the cloth napkin Cook stuck into the basket. “But if we did, where would you go?”

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His eyebrows went up fast and came down more slowly. I could tell he was thinking about it. “I don’t even know. Anyway, I’m here now. I’m co-Alpha with your dad. I’m not going to abandon the pack, or you and the twins. Or your mother.”

I nodded. I knew that already, and not from any Celestial superpower senses. I knew it because my Abba was one of the strongest and most loyal men I’d ever met…not that I’d actually met very many men.

My shoulders lifted and fell with my heavy sigh. Abba nudged me with his knee.

“What’s with the long face?”

I shrugged. “I know this is home. I remember being here before, although I was a baby and it’s all fuzzy and distant, the way all my baby memories are. But I feel like a stranger, too. Just like you do. Like I’m a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. ”

Abba shifted on the bench and cleared his throat. “Do you want to talk about it? Anything? I know that being a Celestial means that when you were a baby you were still aware in ways that normal…I mean…usually…ah, shit. I don’t mean to imply that you’re not normal, little star.”

I burst into laughter and leaned my head on his shoulder. Abba put his arm around me. “Oh, Abba. I’m not normal.”

“Hey.” He pushed me away from him to hold my upper arms while he scowled into my face. “You’re a Celestial. It’s normal…for a Celestial. I mean, you’re not…weird.”

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“Oh, I’m weird.” I laughed one more time and looked up at the sky with a grin. “But that’s okay. Look at who I have for a father.”

We laughed together, then. Rollicking guffaws that hurt our sides and brought tears to our eyes. I hugged him hard. This time, when I let my head rest on his shoulder, he didn’t push me away.

“It’s hard for me to say what it would’ve been like for me if I wasn’t a Celestial, Abba. It’s all I’ve ever known. In babyhood, I knew I had to let you all think of me as an infant. Then when I got a little older, it was becoming more and more clear to me every time the Moon Goddess offered me a vision. How to behave. What to expect. But she’s gone quiet. I know there’s more for me, but right now, I feel a little lost. I don’t know my purpose.”

“Oh, Stella,” my Abba said sadly. “I hate that for you.”

“It’s part of life, isn’t it? Don’t we all feel that way sometimes?”

“Sweetheart, I understand that being a Celestial is important. That it’s who you are, and there’s no other way you can be. But what I want for you is…shit. A normal life,” he finished finally with a hint of apology in his voice. “It’s okay for you not to have some kind of purpose right now. After everything we went through, and everything you did for us all, you deserve some time to just…be. Time to do more than survive and help the rest of us. I want you to make friends. Have a social life, like other young women your age.”

“Technically, I’m not their age,” I reminded him.

We laughed again at that. More quietly, this time. My father’s love for me shone out of his eyes with such strength, I didn’t have the heart to keep teasing him.

“Abba,” I said with a gentle laugh. “I can’t be worried about all of that. I mean, really, what’s the point? As soon as I learn my purpose and complete it, the Moon Goddess will call me home.”

He made a low growl. “What the hell does that mean? Even if it doesn’t quite feel like it yet, Constantine is your home.”

I was quiet for a moment. I wished there was a better way to say this to him. A softer way. But in the end, I could only tell him the full truth.

“No, Abba,” I told him gently. “I mean that when my purpose is finished here…I’ll die.”