IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS - EPISODE 23

Zachary’s viewpoint

I would never wish any child what my siblings and I went through, not even my enemy. It hurts to see your parents so close yet so far. After so many years of watching her cry herself to sleep and smile at day like nothing happened, she finally had the real chance to get everything she ever wanted. Yet, she was stubborn. Now she was in a hospital bed with our father sobbing as he held her hand, Sera and I watching him in silent and in the dark corner of the room. He was too sad and lost in pain to notice when we walked in or how long we had been sitting there watching him.

It saddened me to let this go on without being of much help. The plans we set was stopped because we got to understand that mom was trying to set herself free and for once she needed to do something herself without us pushing her. Maybe if we had done what we needed to do, she wouldn’t be in this condition, wouldn’t be trapped on a bed. She wasn’t going to die, I knew that very well, but, watching both my parents in that condition was heartbreaking.

Grandma Kara returned so she was at home with the others, along with Aunt Rylee. They didn’t need to see their parents like this, but we had to. Just in case mother wakes up and decide to continue to act stubborn, Sera and I already decided we had enough. She tries nonsense, we tell her the truth and go live with our grandparents until she get her act together.

I might not have understood love that much, but I knew what father felt for her was enough to call love. Never do I want to experience such love, never. So far, love is pain and misery, like a living death punishment and I love myself too much to experience such a painful punishment. Mom and dad needed it to heal, my siblings might need it, but never me. And by looking at Sera, I knew she felt the same way.

Love is just too painful.

“Zachary, look,” Sera’s urgent whisper brought me out of my thought. I looked at her and saw her pointing at the bed with a wide smile and tears in her eyes. I looked towards the bed to see mom’s eyes open and looking at the crying man holding her hand. His face was buried in the bed but his sobs and his quivering shoulders made it obvious.

“How long have she been awake?” I whispered. Sera shrugged.

“Got out of my thought to see her that way,” I nodded and looked back at my parents. Mom was watching him with a unreadable expression on her face. It looked like she was contemplating pushing him away or throwing a tantrum. She just needed to be over this already.

“Rominic,” she spoke softly, barely above a whisper but because of the silence, it was easy to hear her. I wonder how she didn’t realize we were there. Maybe she was just as lost as dad.

Dad sat up instantly. I wondered how he would be feeling now, relief or happiness? Fear? Worry that she would push him away? Panic that she still hasn’t forgiven him? Maybe she would hate him more for making her pass out. I really didn’t want to be subjected to such torture by any woman or love. It was beyond stressful.

“Laverne, babe, you are awake! I’ll get the doctor!” Dad tried to stand but mom squeezed his hand in hers. “What?”

“Don’t go, I’m fine.”

“But…”

“Shut up and sit down, Nic,” dad looked at her unsurely, but even I would sit at the coldness on her face and in her voice. I imagined what he would be feeling, definitely scared and expectant of her next harsh words. Dad reluctantly sat down, gulping loud enough for me to hear. I looked towards Sera and on cue, she was looking at me. She shook her head, instructing me not to interfere. They needed this time to themselves and this would help us decide what to do with our big babies.

“I want to ask you some questions and I need the correct answers, don’t lie either.”

“O…Okay,” dad stammered, looking at her with fear. “Ask away.”

“When did you stop sleeping with Peyton?” I blinked in shock as well as dad. I was not expecting that question, neither was he. “Answer.”

“I…I… a month before proposing to you,” dad said with a dry swallow, looking down at their entwined hands, “I couldn’t bare it anymore. Sex with her was a torture to me. Every time I touched her, I felt dirty and disgusted and all I thought about was you and how you would feel. I didn’t… I couldn’t continue, especially with no erection to boost it. I had to stop.”

“And what did she say to this?”

Dad sniffed. “Threw a tantrum but I convinced her and myself that I felt bad because my mother didn’t raise me to two-time. I told her and myself that I couldn’t continue to go against my principles and stopping you would be suspicious so it had to be her. After promising her y…y…your m… mother’s company, she agreed to it. Laverne…”

“Shut up,” mom snapped, “and what have you done to my mother’s company? What about my father’s?”

“I never touched your mother’s but handed it to someone to care for it. As for your father…”

“I don’t want to know. Why didn’t you come after me if you claim to love me?”

“I wanted to, I really wanted to but I was still convincing myself that I did not love you. Laverne, I know I don’t deserve you, I know I hurt you so bad but please, forgive me. How many times will I…”

“Everything with me, all the times we spent together, did you ever share it with Peyton and laugh behind my back? Did you ever see me as a joke and scowl at the moments we had?” Mom sobbed, “did you ever tell her how bad in bed I am when you were with her…”

“Never. At first, I told her about the times we spent together and how you reacted to everything, but as time went on, I stopped due to guilt. I…I never saw you as a joke, Laverne, never. Instead, I was puzzled on how different you were from Peyton, how kind and generous you were. Instead of demanding I take you to expensive restaurants or private shopping malls, you dragged me to orphanages, schools and hospitals to give to the helpless. You pulled me to all your favorite local places and not once did you molest anyone for their financial status. I was confuse and awed by how well everyone adored you everywhere you went. You always had a beautiful smile on your face,” dad was sitting on the bed, cupping my crying mother’s cheeks. We shouldn’t be here, we shouldn’t be seeing this but we couldn’t leave. My tears were for the pain I could hear in their voices, for the plea in his and wish from both that they met each other on better terms; that our family wasn’t facing this.

“You were always smiling and so cheerful. Whenever I saw how you cared for Peyton when she didn’t care for you, it made me feel bad because I knew the kind of woman you were. You were an angel, a loveable soul I should never have tainted. I fell in love with you, I fell in love with the amazing woman that gave me everything the other didn’t. You hadn’t given me your body but yet I felt like losing you would end me. I know I didn’t tell you this on time because I was afraid. I didn’t want to lose you if you found out. I knew if I end things with Peyton, she would tell you everything and you would leave. My fear of losing you costed me everything. Laverne, every moment with you is imprinted in my brain as wonderful. Every moment with you is dear to me and I truly enjoyed it. And I never told her about our sexual life, that was a thing I could never dare to disrespect.”

“Did you… When you… My… God!” Mom cried, shaking her head vigorously, “our first time, after you told me you loved me, did you mean it? Did you really sleep with me because you meant what you said? What I felt back then, was it just me? D…”

“No, it was not. I really meant what I said, I meant it. I loved you then, Laverne, every bit of my words were true. I might have told myself it was for the plan, but it is true. I loved you then, I really loved and still love you.”

“You really meant it? It wasn’t just me? You… If I accept you back, you’ll hurt me…”

“Never! Lavender, please, don’t leave, don’t go away…” Sera grabbed my hand and yanked me back down when I stood up to march to them and tell that they get this over with. They love each other, they need each other. Their children needed them to be together, they needed to find peace once and for all. I was tired of watching this go on; tired of crying and going through pain because my parents were in pain. I want them back together for good so maybe, just maybe I can change my view of love.

Love doesn’t have to be so painful, I need one for myself no matter how bitter it is. But with the way they were pushing it, love looked like bullshit to me. I just want them together. Even if mine don’t change, as long as it doesn’t affect my brothers and sisters, just this once.

“Don’t,” Sera whispered, pulling me into her tight embrace, “please, don’t. Cry all you want in my arms, Zach, let all your anger go, I’ll take it. For today, let me bear all the burden, let me take all the pain while you be a kid. Don’t.” I tried to push her away but she held me tighter. Anymore struggle and our parents would hear us. I couldn’t struggle anymore, my hands slumped on her thighs as I cried into her chest. I just want them to find peace so I can find mine.

Serafina’s viewpoint

“Lavender, I would wake up every morning to make you breakfast in bed, to heat your bath and get the kids ready for school. I’ll sign every single document in my possession in our children’s names. I’ll buy houses, I’ll buy cars and lands in their names. I’ll come home early to prepare dinner myself, I’ll care for you the whole way. If you ever feel pain, I’ll be there to assist you. If it’s for me to give you all my documents, I would do it. I would become a househusband if you’ll stay. If it takes me my whole life to prove it, I’ll do as long as you don’t leave me. Please, if you go away this time, especially with my children, I would die. I don’t want to live without you, Laverne, never again…” I watched mom slapped her hand over his mouth, a smile on her face; the smile I’ve been waiting on for so long. The smile of final surrender, the smile that has ended the long hatred and war. The smile to finally stop my brother from hurting so much.

I was never bothered by this, not as much as Zachary even if he didn’t know. My little brother was trying so hard to be tough and the mature one among us, but the truth is that he can never handle as much as I could. It was in my nature to bear things and let it go, to be calm in all situation, but it was just partial in his area. No doubt this has affected him more than he knew, but I hoped their reunion would give him hope that love still exist and he doesn’t need to loathe it. They all did.

“Beau, would you marry me?” Mom asked, her smile expanding into a wide one. Dad’s mouth fell open in shock, his tears still flowing. Zachary stiff in my arms, equally as shocked as we all were. “And this time, if you dare break off our engagement, I’d murder you and go to jail with joy in my heart. We’d sign a agreement. No other women, no more third parties, just us and the kids. So I ask again, Rominic Beau Verlice, will you marry me?” Dad burst into laughter, a laugh filled with tears and relief. He knew mom had forgiven him finally and he wasn’t the only one crying.

“Stop crying-laughing, Beau, and give me a reply,”

“God, I’ve missed that name, I’ve missed you so much,” dad laughed tearfully, “thank you, thank you, I promise I would never disappoint you, I promise…” The rest of his words were muffled as he had shoved his face into her chest. Mom sneered playfully while looking down at him.

“Enjoying yourself, are we now? We just settled and you already want to suck breast, huh?” Okay, this is the part where we leave. Zachary thought so too. I let him go and we both lowered ourselves to our knees, then slowly crawled out as dad’s laughter echoed in the once silent room. We successfully slipped out through the door, smiling to ourselves. “Hey! Are you marrying me or not?!”

“Not…”

“How dare you!” Mom screamed, “I…”

“I will buy you a ring more beautiful than the other one, go down on my knees once more and propose, but not here. You are too special to be the one asking, okay?” I could imagine more rolling her eyes with a shy smile.

“Well, it would have been a shame if you become a househusband, you wouldn’t be as hot as you are now. But don’t worry, I’ll still love you as long as y… Hey! Make my ring sapphire, jade and diamond so I can shove it in people’s faces and proudly show the kids my… My kids! Serenity, Zayne! Oh my God!”

“Laverne, calm down, they are fine. Mom returned yesterday, she’s taking care of the kids with Rylee, you don’t need to worry. And no, they did not go into shock…”

“Sera and Zachary, my babies, I have to make sure this isn’t affecting them. Beau…” I pulled Zachary’s hand and ran. For some reason, we needed the run. We ran in excitement because it was finally over, we were finally free!