IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS - EPISODE 19

Lavender’s viewpoint

“No, not that one, Aunt Giovanna, you’ll look like a big fat cow in that,” Serafina said. She had her hand folded against her chest and the other’s elbow rested on it forearm as her fingers stroke her chin. If she was a teenager, she would have looked hot with that cocked hips posture. Serenity was sitting on a white barrel chair, legs elegantly crossed, a hand on her knee and the other’s elbow rested on the arm of the barrel chair while her fingers played with her hair. Her position was both elegant and cute. I swear, my babies would both turn heads in the nearest future.

We were at the mall trying clothes and Serafina claimed “fashion goddess”. So there we were, at the ninth store still looking for the perfect outfits. We already had our regular clothes but Sera insisted we get beautiful gowns.

“What if you need to go to this emergency party and you need a dress? Or a dinner date, galas or when you want to turn your man on? Whatever that means. You’ll need the outfits in your closet ready for you to slip into. So I insist you buy something beautiful but first, mom, what does turning your man on mean? I heard Aunty Anna scream it out the other time.” That is what she said. I avoided that question by squealing that we should get the shopping on. But so far, we had barely gotten a single one because Miss Fashion Critic found all I appropriate.

“What about this one?” I asked, holding up the slutty red dress I found in the pile of clothes. Sera looked at it and frowned.

“Too slutty. You need sexy outfits, not slutty ones. Where is all the good dresses?! Let’s try another mall, mom, I tire of this one.”

“Sera, we can’t just leave to another mall, it’s getting really late…”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…”

“Hey, why not just go to the VIP section and get exclusive clothes?” Serene asked with a tilt of her head. Sera gasped outrageously. “You didn’t know about the VIP?”

“If I knew, I wouldn’t have subject myself to such misery! This place has a VIP? Come on, Serene, let’s go! Mom, aunty, you both stay right here while we check it out. Use this time for your girl talk and no crying. Come on, little sister!” Sera stomped out with dramatic flare. Serene stood up sluggishly with a heavy sigh, murmuring something to herself. “Little sister, I’m waiting!”

“Coming, Zelmy!” I exhaled in relief once they were gone. Giovanna too.

“Boy, that Sera is something,” she said with a nervous laugh, “reminds me of the time Mrs. Verlice came to the office, she’s like a ball of fire…”

“She is a ball of fire.” I chuckled. I threw myself down on the cushion bench, then folded my legs in. I exhaled heavily, resting my tired head on the mirror. Giovanna stood with the same dress in her hand, a faraway look on her face. I knew what she was thinking about because she knew that was the original reason we were together at the moment. She knew I claimed cupid and would never give up on that matter.

From what I learnt from Micah and August, Giovanna did not come from a poor home. Her family weren’t filthy, but they had a comfortable business that kept them well and happy. While August was her childhood best friend, they both got accepted into a prestigious junior high school. August’s family is slightly wealthier than Giovanna’s. There, they met Micah, the shy boy under a scholarship. Micah’s grandmother had been working for Lucky’s family ever since his own mother was fifteen. His mother died after birthing him so his grandmother raised him in the same house as Lucky and his brother, though as a servant. Due to her loyalty and years of service, Lucky’s family took care of Micah’s education but in public, the Dell Brothers wanted nothing to do with Micah and treated him like shit, except Lucky.

Of course, Giovanna had a huge crush on him, enough to fit in the white house. She loved him silently from a distant until he actually noticed her all thanks to Micah. Lucky tried to pull all his charms on her and even if it worked, she made it difficult for him to know that. Then he accidentally slept with her friend. She was still trying to deal with that and it made her ‘loving someone causes pain’ belief to intensify. According to August, she avoided Lucky who didn’t know why she was avoiding him. Somewhere along the line, his brother pulled Micah out and accused him of dragging a girl with Lucky. Lucky –hurt by Giovanna’s avoidance– believed and thought if he hurt Micah, she would definitely have to talk to him, even if it was to scream.

It was a wrong move because Giovanna walked in on all three brothers beating her friend to a pulp. Giovanna is the kind of girl that would always stand for her friends against all odds. She believed in the love of friendship more than the love of romance and also that friends are better than family because hers was a mess. To her, August and Micah were her family. So for the guy who she liked that slept with her female best friend to pummel her male best friend, it did not end well. Her daddy issues coupled with the fact that he later slept with her cousin in college and his brother impregnated her stepsister, her decision to stay away from him remained firm.

From my point of view, Giovanna was just scared to accept and give in to love because she believes that love leads to death and suffering. I agree, I’ve been there. But I also knew that judging others base on the actions of thousands might be reasonable but not right. She held on to Lucky’s mistakes as excuses to convince herself that what she was doing to herself was right. It’s shocking to see someone so happy have such demon she is fighting. But again, everyone has demons.

I had plenty.

“If I ask you if you know how I feel, would you say yes?” She asked, breaking the long tensioned silence. “Would you give me the same line everyone gives to me?”

“No, I would not because I’ve been through worse.”

“How can you be through worse? You’re the baby mama of Rominic Verlice, do you know how fucking lucky you are?” She asked in annoyance, flinging the dress away. “Look at me, my love life is a mess. All I’ve done so far is fuck, fuck and fuck and when I tried dating once, he slept with my stepmother!” She folded her arms furiously. “Do you know how that feels? My father and stepsisters blame me for bringing him into the family and ruining the already messed up family. I mean, he couldn’t just shove his dick somewhere other than my stepmother and break my father’s heart… Oh wait, I love how he cried from the heartbreak, to know that a younger man planted a baby in his perfect young wife when he couldn’t. Call me sick but I was glad because he finally got to feel how my mother felt before she died. Now, he knows I am his only child, the child that would never have anything to do with him… I’m going out of point. The point is that you don’t know how it feels to be in my state or fear love as much as I do. Love is nothing but a pain in the ass!” I kept shut and let her cry and ramble on about her pain and anguish. I wanted her to pour it all out so when I speak, she would feel better. Hopefully.

After she was done, she fell on her knees and cried more. My turn. “You say I am lucky to be the baby mama of Verlice because my kids would be happy? Giovanna, let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a young lady, a wealthy one that lived a sad life because she have been told from teenhood that she would never have a child of her own. It was scientifically proven and physically because she tried countless of times. Then she met a man, a man that made her feel emotions she didn’t know she could ever feel and she thought it was a match made in heaven until she found out he was married. The woman was heartbroken but she picked up the pieces of her life and moved on…”

“Smart woman,” Giovanna commented. I smiled wryly.

“Two weeks later, she found out she was pregnant,” I blunted out. Giovanna gasped. “Yes, you can imagine how happy she was, a miracle from the man she loves. She kept the baby, she was happy even if he didn’t like the idea of her carrying his child. She didn’t need his money, she had plenty. All she wanted was the baby. It was a good thing for the baby who grew in her mother’s love until she died,” I choked out a sob, rolling my eyes around so the tears wouldn’t flow out. “Since the child had no other family, she had to live with her father, stepmother and siblings until she is old enough to take over her mother’s company. You can imagine the hell she went through. Not that she was beaten, they just… It’s hard. She wanted them to love her so bad, she tried everything but nothing was ever good enough until he came.”

I wiped my face as the memories replayed in my head, each and every scenes. “Their meeting was accidental, but their love was not. She became the centre of attention and for once, her family loved her, even if she knew it was false. For her lover, she tossed her childhood friends away, pushed everyone aside for his sake. He engaged her, she was happy but then it crashed. She found out their meeting was no accident, he never loved her. He wanted her company to hand to his girlfriend, the lady she thought was his best friend. Behind her back, they had been fucking, mocking her, laughing at her stupidity. He used her to get her father’s company for himself and her mother’s for his girlfriend and left her with nothing. And just when she was about to die, she discovered she had a life in her. Time flies and she is suffering to feed five children on her own with poor means. She had to sell her body, borrow money and do difficult jobs to provide enough money to send her children to school and pay for the youngest two’s treatment. She went through hell to pay their bills. Blah blah, she is faced with a threat of homelessness, her children dropping out from school, her youngest child dealing with paralysis that might kill him and her youngest daughter dying from lungs issue. And just when she taught it couldn’t get worse, she lost her job and her other son get run over.” I laughed dryly, no longer holding back on my tears and pain.

“Imagine what she went through between the line of almost ten years. Imagine the suffering of the woman, all the sexual molestation and the sleepless nights. Then he showed up out of nowhere and saved their lives. She is back with him because she has no choice. She hates him, at least she did until she found out there was more to the story and he has suffer as much as she has, just not enough. Now tell me, how is she suppose to react when everyone, every single person around her wants them back together? How would she feel when she now knows he loved her enough to attempt self-elimination, to run mad because of her? How is she going to feel now she knows her children have been suffering emotionally and psychologically because of her and all they want is them back to together? How is she suppose to fucking feel when she knows she is still in love with him after all these years! Just accept him back after everything she went through?! And the worse thing is that she knows in her heart that she has forgiven him but the only way to make her feel less bad for being a weakling is watching him suffer right before her very eyes.”

I curled my legs up to my knees and cried on it. I didn’t want to say it because saying it meant admitting it and admitting it was the worse. After saying it, I knew it was real. I was still in love with Rominic and wanted him back as mine for real this time. But my pride and the memories of my pain wouldn’t let me. People said he suffered, people said he went through things that wasn’t preferable to death, and I knew it was true but did not want to. I wanted to see him cry and suffer before my very eyes. To feel the rejection I felt and the horror of the memories of Peyton and him in bed. I knew that until I achieve that, I would never truly move on.

“Love is a bitch but what can you do when you are already trapped?” I dropped my legs and pressed my weight to my hands by placing them at my sides. “Lucky have loved you since forever and even if he does sleep around because you never agreed to be with him and he’s a man, he still loves you. I saw it in his eyes when he spoke about the girlfriend I would love to meet. A guy who can boast about a girl that doesn’t even acknowledge his existence and openly declare his love for her. A man who has never given up on you, chose you among every other and forgave you when you slept with his brother to punish him for what he didn’t do –which I know is you trying to get him to hate you– is worth every minute of your time and love. Even if you fear he would hurt you, you will know that there is possible chances that he might not. It is not wrong to fear, but being like me and letting fear stop you from something that beautiful is wrong.”

“You love him, Giovanna, stop lying to yourself and I won’t lie to myself either. I love Rominic, I love him so much it’s hard to think about my life without him now I have him back. I didn’t even know I was dying slowly until now, and it made me realize I can’t live without him, I’m hopeless without him. That’s how much I love him. I have to make him suffer, then after that, I would take back what is mine and if there is an obstacle, I, Lavender J. Amherst, would get rid of it. Rominic is mine and it’s about time I do something about it.” Saying that felt good. The heaviness in my chest vanished. I realize just by saying it that I really can’t live without Rominic. He is everything I live for aside my children, and that made me so mad I knew making him jealous was the only way to feel at peace. My therapist said it was fine and I agree.

“Don’t push yourself too far, Giovanna, stop it. You and Lucky have a real chance, accept it now before it’s too late.” I said no more after that, wiping my tears as I felt my daughters returning. And hopefully, my words would sink in.

~~~

Dumping my bags on the floor, I kicked off my shoes and crawled into the bed. I drained from crying so much and the mental acceptance. No more will I lie to myself. I refuse to do that. But accepting something that strong and breaking the barriers it took me years to build up, took a lot of mental strength, so I was weak.

“Laverne?” I moaned and turned my face to the other side. “You okay?”

“I’m tired,” I murmured, “let me sleep.” I probably slept off somewhere along my murmuring, but woke up to water raining down on me. I waved my hands trying to stop the rain from pouring on me. The rain didn’t stop. I was too weak to care anyways, so I let the rain beat me to it heart content.

I slowly picked up on my surroundings, enough to tell that Rominic was bathing me. I let him do what he wanted and let him carry me back to the room after drying my body. Rominic got me into something thick that wasn’t mine, but the scent and warmth was all I needed. “Sleep, I’ll wake you up when dinner is ready.” My sleep was dreamless but it was the best sleep so far.

Rominic woke me up later and pulled my half sleeping body to be he dining room. I wasn’t really awake when he fed me or how I got back to bed. All I know is that I woke up the following morning to my damn phone ringing loudly like an alarm clock. I groaned in frustration.

“Laverne, cut the damn thing off,” I heard Rominic murmur. I opened my eyes with a moan, pushed myself up and picked up my phone. I blink a couple of time to adjust to the light. The ringer called again and I blindly accepted the call.

“Yes?”

“Lavender, I love you! You’re a miracle worker! I love you! I love you! I love you!”

Huh?

I felt Rominic rise from beside me, throwing his leg over my ass since I was lying stomach down, and throwing his hand over my waist. He leaned closer so he could hear the phone call.

“Who the fuck is that?” I snapped with obvious jealousy.

“Who’s this?”

“Me, Lucky!” I mouthed a “O”. “Giovanna called, she asked me out! She really asked me out on a date! She said, ‘I don’t know if I’m making a damn mistake but I guess I’ve made mistakes in the past before. What I’m trying to say is that after my friend, Lavender, talked to me, I’m starting to see things differently and… I…I don’t want to pretend anymore so I’m ready to give this relationship thing a try if you are still interested in me. You better pick me up at six on Saturday evening or I’ll saw you in half for disappointing me after I finally accept it!’ You hear that? She wants me now, Vanna wants me.”

“When did she ask you?”

“Midnight, almost one in the morning…”

Oh my God! He probably stayed up all night replaying what she said and waiting for dawn to call me. This guy is really in love.

“Wait, dude, are you crying?” I asked quizzically.

“No, I just… I don’t know…I…it’s just that I’ve been waiting for years… I…I don’t know if you know how it feels but yes, I’m crying and I’m proud of it. What should I do? Should I buy her a car to make her say yes after our first date? Should I wear a suit and take her to a classy restaurant? Sh…”

“Lucky, I’m sure you know Giovanna and what she would like. Don’t be extraordinary, just be you, the you she likes. In the name of God, don’t show up with a car at her doorstep on Saturday, you’ll freak the daylight out of her. Please, don’t do anything bizarre. Simple and perfect.”

“Can I buy her a ring?”

“Lucky! She just said yes! Don’t move too fast and fucking hold your horses!”

“I know! She’s always wanted a kitten! I’ll buy it! Thanks, Lavender, love you and bye!”

“Lucky, wait…” He hung up. I sighed and shook my head. I sent Giovanna a warning that Lucky might show up with a car or a kitten, and possibly a ring. After that, I dropped my phone and nudge Nic’s face out of the crook of my neck. “Good morning to you too.”

“You know, your name should be Cupid, not Lavender. Your arrows of love are inescapable.”

“I prefer to be called Aphrodite,”

“Why?”

“How would you feel if you see a giant baby flying towards you with a bow and arrow aimed at your heart? I know what I’ll feel.” I said seriously. Rominic got off me with a buoyant and vibrant laughter. I mean, you, picture it. I would run like a mad cheetah. That would be terrifying.

“Okay, you are right. Even I would freak out if I see that. I…”

“Daddy!!! Serafina is demolishing my comics!!!” Zyaire’s tearful and pained scream blared through the hallway.

“Oh, shut up, you big baby!”

“Daddy!!!” Rominic jumped from the bed and hastily wore his slippers. “Daddy!!!”

“Serafina! Leave your brother alone!” Rominic shouted as he ran out of the room. I sighed and returned to bed. I dealt with that for years so it was his turn. I was still trying to sleep over Rominic’s annoyed scolding when my phone beeped.

I lazily picked it up, unlocked it and looked at the message from Phineas. I furrowed my brows at the pictures he sent me. My jaw dropped at the personification of mad hotness staring back at me. The guy was literally making me think of cum just by looking at his god-like biceps and every curve of his wet torso. He was walking out of the ocean at a beach; laughing with his hand fucking his hair.

God, I wish that was me!

I pushed my face into the screen as if it would make him appear in my room. That man was the kind I would drop my panties for without taking payments. The other pictures were of him in casual wears and sport clothes.

“Who the hell is this!” I sent to Phineas. He replied in a heartbeat, and mine was going crazy.

“Look closer.” The phone was literally against my face, how much closer could I look? I pulled the phone back and looked at his face. Looking at him more closer, he did look very familiar. Very, very… No fucking way!

“You have got to be shitting me! Is that who I think it is!”

“Mm hm, (smirk)”

“Holy mother of dicks! Since when did he get this hot! Oh my God! Phineas! That can’t be him!”

“In the flesh. He had some works done to improve his looks but hey, no one’s complaining when he’s looking as smoking as that. You like?”

“I love!”

“Good, because that, Sugar Berry, is your date tomorrow.” And I literally stopped breathing. Forget Rominic, I think I’m in love again!