His Nanny Mate - Season 4 Episode 48

Logan

I could barely focus on the objects around me, my mind still echoing with the remnants of the day, but it was the mask in my hand, the last piece of evidence from the fight in the empty warehouse, that rang the loudest.

“Garrett, was there really nothing else?” I asked, my voice terse as I tried to suppress the rising anxiety inside of me.

My trusted Beta glanced at me, his face etched with lines of strain from days of working nonstop. “That’s it, Sir. The boys and I went over the entire place with a fine-tooth comb. But if you’d like to look yourself…”

I nodded even though I was exhausted from my brother’s wedding shower. “I would. Let’s go.”

Without any argument, Garrett followed me to the car. He was used to this by now; I rarely did anything, especially not anything like this, without a personal hand in the process. It wasn’t that I distrusted my men, but I distrusted the idea of an Alpha in my position doing too much delegating.

The air was dense as we pulled up to the warehouse a little while later. Last time, I found a handkerchief with the initials “D.L.” on it, half of a clue, a phantom leading nowhere.

We had sent it in for testing, but there was no DNA to be found on it. It was almost as though it was placed there for me, as either a tease or a lead. I couldn’t figure out which, but I was leaning toward a tease.

Vicious mockery indeed, I thought to myself as I climbed out of the car. Whoever this “D.L.” was -if they were even real-was elusive. If my brother hired this person, he was doing a damn good job of causing unrest.

And maybe that was exactly what my brother wanted. But when it came to Ella being in danger, that was where I drew the line. Baseless threat or not, I didn’t care. My brother could mess with me all he wanted, but Ella?

I’d kill him and spend the rest of my life in prison before he laid a finger on her.

As I scanned the area, a piece of rubber, perhaps from a shoe, caught my eye. Another puzzle piece. I picked it up, resolved to unearth its secrets. A part of me cursed, feeling the divide between Ella and me widening.

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“You miss this?” I called out to Garrett, my voice echoing in the spacious warehouse. I held the piece of rubber up in the light, causing Garrett’s eyes to narrow. He gingerly took it from me, turning it over in his palm.

“What’s this?” he asked, eyeing me confusedly “Piece of rubber? From a tire, maybe? It is a warehouse, after all.”

I shook my head, a sigh escaping my lips. “Look at the ridges. Looks like the sole of a shoe. Boot, probably. Send it in for testing.”

Garrett looked a little taken aback. “Sir?” he asked. “Sorry, but-”

“I know what you’re thinking,” I said. “That it’ll just come back with nothing but dirt and dust on the results. But I want to check. We need to be thorough.”

Garrett was silent for a moment, thinking, before he finally nodded. “Yes sir.”

I was back in my room later that night. My shoulders felt tight and sore, the skin still stinging on the spot where the bullet had grazed me. The glass of whiskey in my hand caught the light as I turned the crystal glass around in my fingers, but my wolf was taking up all of my attention.

“We need her,” he growled softly within me, the longing apparent in his every word.

“I know,” I sighed, my fists clenched, a cacophony of emotions warring within me. “But she was right: we’re from two completely different worlds. She’s from the light side, I’m from the darkness. And frankly, I doubt I’ll ever really escape from this. It would never work out between us.”

The memories of her touch, of her fervent kisses in my childhood playroom were still fresh on my mind. “She’ll never want us,” murmured, feeling the sting of that reality. “She’s in a world we can never touch.”

My wolf persisted, his growl louder. “She’s our mate! We can’t just give up on her!”

“But we’ll never really get away from this criminal lifestyle,” I mused aloud. “It was a fleeting dream. It’ll never happen.”

I was born in shadows, raised amongst whispers and secrets, my soul tainted with the darkness of the underworld. Could I truly leave it all behind, cut the strings that bound me to this life?

For a moment, a fleeting thought of faking my own death and starting anew somewhere else danced in my mind, but the chains of my upbringing seemed too entrenched, too deeply woven into my being for me to simply leave. Someone would find me, somehow. They’d just pull me right back into the shadows.

“I can’t do it…” I whispered to my wolf as I took another swig of my whiskey. “I can’t just run away and start fresh.”

The thought of having Ella by my side in a new life was tantalizing, but the harsh truth resonated louder. She would never run away with me.

She would never want to be a part of my shadows. She belonged here, doing good things for good people, not changing her name and running off to kingdom come with an ex- mobster. The divide between us seemed too vast, her light too bright for my engulfing shadows.

“She would never want us,” I whispered, my voice breaking, “but I can’t… I can’t stop trying.”

Trying to reach out to her light was painful, knowing I may never touch it, but the pull was irresistible. I wanted her light to pierce my shadows, to bring life to my dark world. But I could feel the shadows resisting, wrapping tighter around me.

The criminal impulses, the residue of my upbringing, were like chains, pulling me back every time I tried to reach out to her, to her world.

It made me wonder, was I truly different from the man who yielded to his darkness, who beat a man up because he couldn’t control the shadows within him? Was I deserving of her light?

“I hate this…” I muttered. “I hate that I can’t deny these impulses… that I can’t be the man she deserves.”

My wolf was silent, feeling the pain and the struggle inside of me. The battle between the shadows and the longing for Ella’s light was tearing me apart.

“Is it really impossible, Logan?” my wolf pondered. “Surely you don’t really believe that you’re condemned to the shadows. Especially not with her by your side.”

My wolf’s words made me wince. It hurt because he was wrong; even with Ella by my side, I wasn’t convinced that I could ever really extricate myself from my past. Especially not when it involved putting Ella and her family in danger. As much as I wanted her, I needed to accept that.

With a sigh, I stood, crossing to the window. It was dark outside, causing my reflection to stare back at me from the clear glass, like a portal to another world. Maybe it was one in which I could finally pave a new way for myself and become the man that I wanted to become.

But I was stuck on this side with scars on my knuckles that would never fade.